rahs latest holter results showed that his heart is actually worse. he spent about a quarter of the day in bigeminy - every other beat was an arrhythmia. this obviously wasnt good.

it was all i could do to hold it together on the phone - i got off the phone and broke down. the day was hard enough with people saying goodbye to him and me trying to stay brave, and today is rah's 4 year "got day" - i adopted him 4 years ago today. this process, this disease, is such an emotional rollercoaster - and to hear the cardiologist say the words "go for the stem cells, because this is now or never - the disease is advancing" just made me want to vomit.

this is my dog, this is my heart and soul. i would trade anything in the world - my job, my car, my career, every ribbon, every title, every future show - to have him survive this disease and die at 12 years old from old age.

i'm confused about where to go from here and i contacted florida and im waiting to hear from them - we are supposed to leave in 48 hours and i havent changed his meds so i hope everything is still on from here. because of my schedule i cannot just change things and reschedule so easily.

this has me tied up in knots. im so excited, in a small part of me, and im trying not to let myself be hopeful. but part of me is so very scared.

for his got day, i bought rah one of his favorite fuzzy mice. rah also got three deedle dudes from lydia - THE most annoying toys that she hates and she will only let him have IN florida :) he played in the yard for three hours and got to play in the pool and he's passed out on the couch. ill take him to class in an hour so he can do some dumbbell retrieves, he had ice cream cake yesterday and will have banana cake tonight.