the amount of crap my dogs need to travel to florida is ridiculous. i havent even started packing for ME and im at three bags already for the dogs...
medical bag for the dogs.
toys for the dogs. collars. bowls. medications. leashes. change of collars. YES THEY NEED CHANGES OF COLLARS. clothes for the dogs (cool coats, since its florida and hot).
heaven help me if i can even FIT my crap in the car.
havent heard from florida. im nervous. nervous nervous nervous.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
rahs latest holter results showed that his heart is actually worse. he spent about a quarter of the day in bigeminy - every other beat was an arrhythmia. this obviously wasnt good.
it was all i could do to hold it together on the phone - i got off the phone and broke down. the day was hard enough with people saying goodbye to him and me trying to stay brave, and today is rah's 4 year "got day" - i adopted him 4 years ago today. this process, this disease, is such an emotional rollercoaster - and to hear the cardiologist say the words "go for the stem cells, because this is now or never - the disease is advancing" just made me want to vomit.
this is my dog, this is my heart and soul. i would trade anything in the world - my job, my car, my career, every ribbon, every title, every future show - to have him survive this disease and die at 12 years old from old age.
i'm confused about where to go from here and i contacted florida and im waiting to hear from them - we are supposed to leave in 48 hours and i havent changed his meds so i hope everything is still on from here. because of my schedule i cannot just change things and reschedule so easily.
this has me tied up in knots. im so excited, in a small part of me, and im trying not to let myself be hopeful. but part of me is so very scared.
for his got day, i bought rah one of his favorite fuzzy mice. rah also got three deedle dudes from lydia - THE most annoying toys that she hates and she will only let him have IN florida :) he played in the yard for three hours and got to play in the pool and he's passed out on the couch. ill take him to class in an hour so he can do some dumbbell retrieves, he had ice cream cake yesterday and will have banana cake tonight.
it was all i could do to hold it together on the phone - i got off the phone and broke down. the day was hard enough with people saying goodbye to him and me trying to stay brave, and today is rah's 4 year "got day" - i adopted him 4 years ago today. this process, this disease, is such an emotional rollercoaster - and to hear the cardiologist say the words "go for the stem cells, because this is now or never - the disease is advancing" just made me want to vomit.
this is my dog, this is my heart and soul. i would trade anything in the world - my job, my car, my career, every ribbon, every title, every future show - to have him survive this disease and die at 12 years old from old age.
i'm confused about where to go from here and i contacted florida and im waiting to hear from them - we are supposed to leave in 48 hours and i havent changed his meds so i hope everything is still on from here. because of my schedule i cannot just change things and reschedule so easily.
this has me tied up in knots. im so excited, in a small part of me, and im trying not to let myself be hopeful. but part of me is so very scared.
for his got day, i bought rah one of his favorite fuzzy mice. rah also got three deedle dudes from lydia - THE most annoying toys that she hates and she will only let him have IN florida :) he played in the yard for three hours and got to play in the pool and he's passed out on the couch. ill take him to class in an hour so he can do some dumbbell retrieves, he had ice cream cake yesterday and will have banana cake tonight.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
the anxiety sets in.
we leave for florida on saturday - so in 4 days. i am still waiting for the holter results from the cardiologist - im going to call tomorrow if i havent heard from him.
im starting to get really nervous. thursday is rah's 4 year "got day" - that will be four years since i brought him home.
im full of such anxiety that im making the wrong decision for him - that im going to take him there and this will be the last thing i do for him. so much of this is left over anxiety from what happened with bowie, i know. but i can't help it.
im full of such hope, but at the same time im full of so much fear that this will go horribly wrong. im full of these horrible terrible thoughts that im going to say goodbye to my dog next tuesday morning and that it will be the last time i see him. and that thought makes me want to email the vet school and just tell them to cancel the entire procedure.
but what other choice do i have?
im starting to get really nervous. thursday is rah's 4 year "got day" - that will be four years since i brought him home.
im full of such anxiety that im making the wrong decision for him - that im going to take him there and this will be the last thing i do for him. so much of this is left over anxiety from what happened with bowie, i know. but i can't help it.
im full of such hope, but at the same time im full of so much fear that this will go horribly wrong. im full of these horrible terrible thoughts that im going to say goodbye to my dog next tuesday morning and that it will be the last time i see him. and that thought makes me want to email the vet school and just tell them to cancel the entire procedure.
but what other choice do i have?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
the angry part
one of the hardest parts of this diagnosis for me is that i have a lot of anger in regards to this entire thing.
im angry for so many reasons.
im angry i have to go through this again. first it was bowie. living through almost three full years of the disease in occult (maybe longer, i just caught him when we started screening), almost making his deal of making it through vet school with me, and then dying 2 days after surgery. then losing mya to heart disease a few months later. and now i have another dog with heart disease.
and im angry that other people never seem to get dogs, or dobes, with heart disease, and i have another one.
im angry that he's so young - for some reason it would be easier, or at least more appropriate, if he were 9, 10 or 11 and had DCM - it would be easier to accept his eventual demise (because lets face it, this will kill him) from this god awful disease then, rather than at the younger age it's going to take him.
im angry that i do the screening, i do the right things for this dog. he gets no vaccines. he gets exercise. he's thin. he eats raw. he gets the best there is of anything and everything. and yet my dog, even caught early, has the worst damned "occult" cardio you can have? his "occult" cardio is the type where you need to be worried about him dropping dead suddenly - doesn't feel so occult to me.
im angry i even need to worry about him dropping dead.
and yes, im angry that people actually say to me, do you worry about that? YES I WORRY ABOUT THAT!
im angry that other people have healthy dogs. and i dont.
im angry that other people have dogs with occult dcm that isn't as bad as rah's. isn't that terrible?
im angry that rah may never get to accomplish all the things that we wanted to accomplish with him - not because he doesn't have the potential and the desire, the will and the ability - but because we probably simply won't have the TIME. TIME is the limiting factor.
easter sunday was 4 years ago that i lost bowie.
Bowie's Modern Love, RN CGC
im angry for so many reasons.
im angry i have to go through this again. first it was bowie. living through almost three full years of the disease in occult (maybe longer, i just caught him when we started screening), almost making his deal of making it through vet school with me, and then dying 2 days after surgery. then losing mya to heart disease a few months later. and now i have another dog with heart disease.
and im angry that other people never seem to get dogs, or dobes, with heart disease, and i have another one.
im angry that he's so young - for some reason it would be easier, or at least more appropriate, if he were 9, 10 or 11 and had DCM - it would be easier to accept his eventual demise (because lets face it, this will kill him) from this god awful disease then, rather than at the younger age it's going to take him.
im angry that i do the screening, i do the right things for this dog. he gets no vaccines. he gets exercise. he's thin. he eats raw. he gets the best there is of anything and everything. and yet my dog, even caught early, has the worst damned "occult" cardio you can have? his "occult" cardio is the type where you need to be worried about him dropping dead suddenly - doesn't feel so occult to me.
im angry i even need to worry about him dropping dead.
and yes, im angry that people actually say to me, do you worry about that? YES I WORRY ABOUT THAT!
im angry that other people have healthy dogs. and i dont.
im angry that other people have dogs with occult dcm that isn't as bad as rah's. isn't that terrible?
im angry that rah may never get to accomplish all the things that we wanted to accomplish with him - not because he doesn't have the potential and the desire, the will and the ability - but because we probably simply won't have the TIME. TIME is the limiting factor.
easter sunday was 4 years ago that i lost bowie.
Bowie's Modern Love, RN CGC
Saturday, April 10, 2010
links
similar info to my last post:
http://www.dpca.org/PublicEd/PEC/PECGeneticCardio.html
http://www.veterinarypartner.com/Content.plx?P=A&A=2496
http://www.vin.com/proceedings/Proceedings.plx?CID=WSAVA2002&PID=2530
http://www.dpca.org/PublicEd/PEC/PECGeneticCardio.html
http://www.veterinarypartner.com/Content.plx?P=A&A=2496
http://www.vin.com/proceedings/Proceedings.plx?CID=WSAVA2002&PID=2530
dilated cardiomyopathy
before we go any further, there's going to need to be a "what is DCM" kind of post so that all the future phrases, abbreviations, and things i talk about will make sense. sort of a 'whats what'. its your decoder ring!
DCM, or dilated cardiomyopathy is where the bottom half of the heart essentially loses its ability to pump because it stretches out - it simply can't contract enough any longer. for a bit, the heart starts to compensate by stretching out so that the body still gets enough blood - but eventually it just can't handle that - and eventually heart failure will develop, in which fluid backs up in the lungs.
in the *doberman*, this is a genetic disease - it's predicted that 50-70% (depending on what you read and who you talk to) of all dobermans will get this disease. in other breeds, this isn't necessarily a genetic problem - its just an acquired disease of old age. it can also be caused by some drugs/toxins (chemotherapy drugs for instance) or nutritional deficiencies. but nope, dobes get the dumb luck of just being PRONE.
the other aspect of this disease in the doberman is arrhythmias - faulty abnormal heart rhythms. these occur in DCM in the form of VPCs - ventricular premature contractions, where premature heart contractions start from the bottom half of the heart (rather than from the normal location - the sinoatrial node)and BEFORE a normal heart beat would start and , due to abnormal contractility of the heart.
which is why for this breed, screening is SO IMPORTANT - screening an asymptomatic dog, screening before you notice coughing, before you notice weight loss, lethargy, not wanting to eat - because for those dogs, it may be too late. we've come a long way with treatment, but for many dogs with DCM, this WILL be a fatal disease.
screening for this includes both an ultrasound of the heart - called an echocardiogram, as well as a 24 hour ECG (electrocardiogram) - which is called a Holter monitor. the echocardiogram enables the cardiologist to visualize the heart and see the size of the ventricles, and the 24 hour ECG enables them to actually see the rhythm of the heart over the course of the day and see if there are any arrhythmias - you can see how different the info can be. a dog can absolutely have dilation without VPCs, or VPC's without dilation and still have DCM with both!
there are a variety of treatments available - i won't pretend to know which is best because the course of treatment should be determined by your cardiologist.
there is no prevention for DCM - there are studies currently underway at a variety of vet schools and other institutions trying to find a genetic marker for the disease. all we have is testing and telling.
and here we have rah in his holter vest!
an intro
this is being started as a diary of living with a dog with dcm. rah is my second doberman with DCM, and my third dog with heart disease. the diagnosis came as a complete surprise - he was screened clear last year (last february) at 3.5 years old, and this february i screened him at GSVS in tinton falls with dr. goodwin where on his echo, we saw that he had some dilation but worse, he was throwing frequent premature ventricular contractions.
we did a holter on him that day, and the results showed that he had almost 5000 VPC's in a 24 hour period - he was started on sotalol and benazepril immediately. a recheck holter showed a decrease to just about 1000 VPC's, but dr. goodwin feels we can do better so he's added in mexiletine (aka the hardest drug on earth to get - we're having it compounded).
in an effort to help rah (and yes, i will do anything to help this dog), rah has been enrolled in a study at university of florida that will implant stem cells into his left ventricle in an effort to reverse the dilated cardiomyopathy. it's been shown to help in other versions of the disease, and in other species. his date of treatment is tuesday, may 4th.
rah doesn't know he's sick - he didn't ever really act it, though since starting medication he is certainly more active (and more annoying) than ever (so maybe he was).
this blog will be a journey - the ups and downs (hopefully more ups) as i mirror his training blog. ill go through the background of the disease, the emotions i went through immediately past his diagnosis, and for those following the journey you will get to see what happens with stem cells as well.
this is living with dcm.
we did a holter on him that day, and the results showed that he had almost 5000 VPC's in a 24 hour period - he was started on sotalol and benazepril immediately. a recheck holter showed a decrease to just about 1000 VPC's, but dr. goodwin feels we can do better so he's added in mexiletine (aka the hardest drug on earth to get - we're having it compounded).
in an effort to help rah (and yes, i will do anything to help this dog), rah has been enrolled in a study at university of florida that will implant stem cells into his left ventricle in an effort to reverse the dilated cardiomyopathy. it's been shown to help in other versions of the disease, and in other species. his date of treatment is tuesday, may 4th.
rah doesn't know he's sick - he didn't ever really act it, though since starting medication he is certainly more active (and more annoying) than ever (so maybe he was).
this blog will be a journey - the ups and downs (hopefully more ups) as i mirror his training blog. ill go through the background of the disease, the emotions i went through immediately past his diagnosis, and for those following the journey you will get to see what happens with stem cells as well.
this is living with dcm.
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