sadness

the second dog to have stem cell implantation died yesterday - he had gone into congestive heart failure a few weeks ago and he was released yesterday in the arms of his family at the U of Fl.

there's so many feelings about this - not just feeling sad that he's gone, and so terribly bad for the owners because i know what this feels like, but so much nervousness. nervous that does the stem cell treatment do nothing? is rah not going to be helped?

we don't know how much or how long they have, ever. we dont know how long rah would have without it, or how much time dog#2 had without it - we can't say. its so much unknown, and i know and accept that to some degree.

but it makes me sick and sad for all the right reasons, and some very selfish ones - because i want so very badly for this to be some miracle. for everyone, but the ultimate in selfishness is that i want it to be MY miracle. rah's.