Tuesday, July 20, 2010

i feel sick

it makes me physically ill to hear of another doberman i "knew" dying of cardio. this dog was rah's age, diagnosed 5 months before him with questionable values and his recheck one month after rah's diagnosis showed definite changes. he was medicated, and today the owners found him in the yard, dead.

it makes me ill for so many reasons, but some of them are so very selfish. im sad that anyone has to lose a dog to this disease.

but part of me constantly compares - is this dog worse than rah? better than rah? how long are they getting? what drugs are they on? is the dog doing well? and try to make some sense of everything to figure out just how long i'll have.

this dog was definitely not worse than rah. his holter 10 months ago had 14 VPCs and 4 months ago he had 26 VPCs. single, lone VPCs.

rah had 5000.
down to 1000, and now down to 100. but a dog just dropped dead (that had significally better holter parameters) of a fatal arrythmia.

sometimes im just so scared, so terrified.

its just not fair.

RIP kheper. it's never long enough.

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